"The Hole" by Anonymous

“the Hole”
Well, I gave been in the hole now for a little over a month and let me tell you it’s a “hell” of an experience. I’ve never thought that I’d see so much pain, anguish and despair. It’s really hard for some of these men to come to grips with the possibility that they will never go home. And the crazy part is that a lot of the pain the inmates have caused on their “victims”, the inmates suffer or share that same pain. It has been my experience by closely observing other inmates behavior and conversations, that their pasts have been filled with the same hurts and abuse as was carried out on “victims”. And inmates too, try to deal wit this internal pain by physically harming themselves. I’ve “seen” inmates literally cut their Face with scissors (gash themselves literally) swallow razors, swallow glass, swallow screws, slice their wrists, attempt suicide by strangulation etc. The list goes on and on. These poor men can’t deal with the mental trauma so they try to deaden the mental pain by exchanging it for physical pain. I’ve heard men scream for hours!! Trying to wrap their minds around the fact that they may have a life sentence w/no parole and couple with the mental pain they have to live with that was caused from neglect and sexual abuse and physical abuse as a child. I don’t even think a trained psychologist could fully understand the weight or depths of their pain unless you’re able to experience this first hand like I am. It’s really sad and though my heart goes out to each and every victim that has ever been wronged in this world my heart goes out to these men too. It’s strange how the mind works and how the mind, body and soul thirst for affection and love. I’ve witnessed situations where men would go against their own moral , religious and ethical code just to receive love and affection from others because family has abandoned them. I thank God every day that He has given me strength and blessed me with a friend like you. I never judge people with regard to the sexual preference but I am glad I’ve never been in a situation where ii was so weak oat such a point of despair where my moral, ethical and religious belief was compromised due t lack of affection to the point of “me” resorting to homosexuality, and as I said before I don’t judge I just observe with compassion because the environment is unnatural to everyone who is subjected to it. ….

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